Thoughts In My Head # 2

Here i am again with thoughts in my head, damn i think it's gonna be along series...maybe u haven't read the first one so u can read it here
http://wolf84.multiply.com/journal/item/6

... let's begin...

here i am standing in the shower taking a hot bath after a hard workout at the gym when thoughts starting to get to my head, started with a simple question
" what the fuck r u doing ahmed? "
ok let's go back to the begining a little bit to let u know where did i get this thought. it started couple of months ago, when everything started to change in my life, firends are starting to leave from my life one by one, i moved to riyadh, losing something preicous in my life or gonna lose it soon donnu.
ok, this is me thinking:
"
ur friend M... is getting ready to get married.
ur firend M... was his engagement party yesterday( melka bel3arabi).
ur friend A... got a job which i'm really happy for him.
ur friend O... will go to finish his study abroad very soon.
D... is going very very soon to go to college abroad, and god know's what will happen after that. ur friend H... almost finishing his studies to become a pilot.(ya rab :s )
"
and the list go on but i guess i'll stop here.
what about u ya ahmed, what r u doing?
got an interseting job with a very very good salary for a guy in ur age, wow thats a big achivment. but what else?
not paying any good attention to ur job, totally fucking ur career, lazy, smiply don't give a damn...and no trust me ppl it's not that i hate it, no i love it very much but i don't feel like it these days..i feel really down really bored many things i don't even know...but if u don't know i'm very very good in the job thank god...
wasting money everywhere like ur some kinda rich guy and on things is not worth it.
didn't even finish ur fuckin study...
i used to think god loves me coz i was always blessed with a thing that let me thank god every day that i get it, but now the blessing stopped..i think god is mad at me for somethings...maybe for what i'm doing in my life which is nothing..it's not that i don't pray or anything like that, no totally this is not it coz al7mdillah i do...but coz i'm not doing anything useful for my future that's why...bs al7mdillah anyway...
so back again to the shower where i stand thinking " what the fuck r u doing in ur life ya ahmed to protect ur future from falling apart? " the answer is " almost totally nothing."
why almost, coz thank god i still have the job...but other than that...nothing..
so i stand saying to my self. this is the change point in ur life, either u do something useful or simply go to hell ya ahmed.
no idea's for now...but i hope i get something soon or else i will lose many things...

lol i was going to say no lyrics song in this blog but suddenly some lyrics came to my head, so here it goes...

creed - one last breath
" Please come now I think I’m falling I’m holding on to all I think is safe It seems I found the road to nowhere And I’m trying to escape I yelled back when I heard thunder But I’m down to one last breath And with it let me say Let me say Hold me now I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking That maybe six feet Ain’t so far down "